Yes, Hello, my name is MsBurb, and I have had a decades long affair with Kermit the Frog.
I have kept this forbidden relationship secret until now.
Why confess? Well, you see Kermit was going to leave his wife Miss Piggy for me but just a couple weeks ago, he told me he had no intention of leaving that brazen hussy and their love child , Kermit Jr. He tried to reason with me but I wouldn't listen.
I broke down and pleaded but Kermit wouldn't budge.
So I did the only thing a loose woman like myself could do, I black-mailed him. Yes, I'm not proud but he's a verrrrry rich frog and I'm, well, a gold-digger.
He took advantage of me all these years, kept our "love" secret and all the public accolades went to that wife of his.
Sure, she's a beautiful pig and I'm rather a plain-looking human, but somehow, all that "bedding" we did had to have been for something, right?
I was hurt. I was ashamed. I thought we could have a real life together. He could have left that pink, pig-pen pest and been with me.
Then, we could have dined in public, I could have stood beside him instead of "Her" at his premieres, been there on the sidelines as he taped his Christmas shows…
Black-mailing him was all I had left.
Yep, one million bucks, and you know what? He paid it! Didn't even bat a froggy eyelash! He wrote me a cheque like I was some sort of high-priced hooker!
Well that was the last straw! I had promised him I would never go public with our affair but after he treated me like so much call-girl, my heart got hard and I decided I might as well sell my story for BIG money to the tabloids!
Well, before I knew it, once my lawyer leaked the story, CNN and Fox and all the news affiliates grabbed the story and Kermit's likeness was plastered on every every newspaper and magazine cover…
Kermit held a press conference where he admitted his "transgressions" but the damage was already done.
Kermit was enraged. He called me on his cell phone and yelled at me for the first time in our relationship. I cried. I knew what I had done was wrong but I was hurt and I wanted revenge.
Miss Piggy went on a European ski vacation with her twin sister and Kermit was left alone for the holidays.
I tried to call his cell but he wasn't answering. The "public" line was that he was trying to reconcile with his family. I prayed that wasn't true.
I still loved Kermit. I still do.
This week, Miss Piggy filed for a divorce because of my admission. I guess I'm a home-wrecker as well as a gold-digger but I'm now very rich in my own right and the stigma doesn't sting like it once did.
Kermit and I have talked since, have made plans to meet, but there is a coldness and a distance felt between us on the phone that makes that proposition seem unrealistic as this point.
He told me quite unceremoniously that Disney had dropped him as their sponsor. That was a HUGE contract for Kermit and I felt bad. His public "image" has been tarnished, for good, it's hard to say.
He and his publicist are in negotiations with Mattel Toys and the Ford Company but Kermit's sponsorship prospects are looking dim.
The stress has taken a toll on both of us and Kermit has checked himself into a hospital for tests after that SUV "incident".
The x-rays don't look good.
I'm sorry I wrecked his world. I'm sorry I wrecked his family but that's what love does to a person and I did love Kermit the Frog.